


When the night is coming down on you we will find a way through the dark

by Alex20



Series: Elu fragments [2]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Depressive Episode, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 13:43:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex20/pseuds/Alex20
Summary: Eliott has a depressive episode and Lucas proves once again that he really meant it when he said minute par minute.Short, angsty and hopefully decent.





	When the night is coming down on you we will find a way through the dark

**Author's Note:**

> Read at your own risk. This can be triggering and I want everyone to stay safe, so please read the tags. It has a happy ending, I promise, but it's intense. At least I felt it so intense while typing it. If you keep reading it, hope you like it.
> 
> Not beta'ed. English is my second language. Any mistake, typo or anything wrong you might find is my own.
> 
> Title from Through the dark by One Direction

Dark. Everything around him was dark and scary. He could feel the demons approaching him, _chasing_ him. And he was back in the tunnel and it was _darkdarkdark_ and where did the light go? What was happening? He was aware of Lucas sleeping next to him, but he felt like he couldn't see anything.

 

And then, the voice. _Did you really think he would stay? That he loved you? You're such a fool, Eliott Demaury. You're fucked up. You aren't sane. Who could love you? You're worthless. You deserve nothing._ Eliott was crying by now, each word echoing inside his head. He knew the words weren't true. Or at least, he tried to think so, when he was stable. But he was so gone, and he couldn't realize it, so he listened to the voice. Trusted it. Because if that voice came from inside of himself, it must be true, right?

 

He left the bed, with Lucas still sleeping, and went to the restroom trying to not wake him up. A part of his brain was telling him to just stay in bed and cuddle his boyfriend. Another part, the one winning the fight at the moment, told him Lucas deserved better than him; and Eliott agreed with it. Lucas was so young, so pure, so full of life. How could he want to be with Eliott? Why was he still at his side, even after knowing Eliott's deepest secret?

 

Eliott opened and closed the bathroom's door without a sound and he opened the closest cupboard, the one when they kept their razor blades, and took one. He had been lying to Lucas -and everyone else- about taking his meds. He hated taking them because they made his head all fuzzy and heavy. He didn't feel like himself when he took them, and he didn't see the need of taking them when he was feeling happy. If that even made sense. He felt like he had failed once again. He knew Lucas and the boys and the girls worried about him. He knew they all cared about him. But nothing of that mattered, not when he was drowning and _he couldn't breathe_ and _the fucking voice wouldn't shut up._ He wanted to end it all but he didn't really want. He wanted to feel alive, and the pain was a good way, because it was a reminder that he still could feel something.

 

With a sigh, he took a blade and put it close to his arm. He could almost taste the blood, he was _craving_ it and he couldn't help but smile when he saw the first drops. He was about to press again, deeper against the skin, when he heard a voice and a knock in the door. _“Eliott? Eliott, mon amor, are you there? Are you okay?”._ He tried to ignore it. He knew, deep inside, that what he was doing was wrong. But the need was stronger and so tempting and he deserved it. He deserved the pain and he wanted it and he was made for the darkness, not the light that Lucas brought with him.

 

He didn't realize the door opened until he saw someone -Lucas- kneeling in front of him, taking away the blade and starting to heal his wound, improvising a bandage. Eliott couldn't look at Lucas, and Lucas didn't open his mouth; he just took Eliott's hand and guided him back to bed. Once there, he kissed Eliott; and Eliott could feel the saltiness of the kiss and dared to look at his boyfriend's face and he felt his heart breaking when he saw he was crying.

 

“ _Eliott, babe, je t'aime. I love you so much that it hurts. And I know you're not okay right now and I know that you probably won't understand what I'm saying or that you won't even remember half of it once the episode ends. But we said minute par minute and I'm here to stay and I just want you to know that you don't need to bottle up everything like you used to do. You can come to me and I will do everything on my hand to help you. Tu n'es pas seul, remember?”_

 

Elliot wanted to say something, he wanted to thank Lucas for the millionth time, he wanted to cry, he wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted the voice to shut up, he wanted to sleep for a month, he wanted to do so many things.

 

“ _Sorry I haven't been taking my meds. You know I tend to not take them when I'm happy, and you make me the happiest I've ever been. Sorry I fucked up again. Sorry for scaring you. Sorry for not being good enough. Sorry for being so gone I can barely feel you.”_

 

“ _Mon chéri, just go to sleep. I won't leave your side and it will make you feel better. And when you wake up, I'm gonna make you breakfast and we're gonna spend the day in bed, just cuddling and watching some stupid film. Okay?”_

 

Eliott just nodded and fell asleep feeling the breath of the younger boy on his neck. That made him feel calm somehow. He didn't know for how long he was out, but when he woke up Lucas was next to him, reading some magazine.

 

“ _Hey, how are you?”_

 

“ _I'm okay, but how long have I been asleep?”_

 

“ _Four hours, I think? It's two pm, a bit late for breakfast, I guess. But I can make some pasta for lunch if that's okay with you?”_

 

“ _Yeah, sure”_

 

Lucas went to the kitchen and started boiling the water, with Eliott next to him. He was still feeling down as hell and his fresh cuts itched, but being close to Lucas always made him feel better. And then, he remembered something.

 

“ _Lucas?”_

 

“ _Yeah, babe?”_

 

“ _Thanks for being Lucas 368 to Eliott 153”_

 

He could see the moment it clicked in Lucas' mind, when he remembered that conversation they had had a couple of months ago. And Lucas smiled, kissed Eliott and continued making lunch.

 

“ _Silly. I will never leave you alone. I promised, yeah? And I never break a promise”._

 

They ate, Eliott swallowed his pills, Lucas told him he was proud. And they went back to bed, to spend the day cuddling, kissing, watching some stupid movie. And if Eliott was feeling better by dinner time, he knew it was all thanks to Lucas.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are welcome.


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